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kitewithfish: (x-men;shock and horror;tree; moose!)
So, I missed VividCon again, despite it being in my home city, by means of not paying attention and finding out about it by accident too late to attend. Like last year. And the year before that. I need to get myself some alerts or something.

In other news, I have started watched ONCE UPON A TIME and it's amazing! And I can't read the fic yet, because I am seriously behind in the first season (Just watched episode 12 "Skin Deep") and it's KILLING ME. Because this is a show where, despite it being about stories that I sort of know*, they end up twisting the story enough that I can't take anything for granted.

It's kind of like watching really, really well done crossover fiction- connections that scream for attention get made, but also connections you were never expecting and that really, really draw you in and surprise you.


*My God, but this show relies on the Disney-fied versions a lot.
kitewithfish: (x-men;shock and horror;tree; moose!)
I am feeling depressed and kind of mean. I am not working, and I haven't found a job yet. Which, by the way, is ridiculous to be angry about! Because I've been trying for about 2 weeks, most of which have been dealing with immigration and the aftermath of moving and graduating from a really reall really ridiculously difficult school.

I don't even have the RIGHT to feel annoyed at this point. Because it's really functionally not been very long at all. And it was foolish of me to be upset in the first place, because I have a place to leave and money and someone who works to provide both of us with these things. So I don't have the right to be depressed.

But I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore, when I used to have something that ate up my days and made me feel valuable and good at something. I have nothing to pin my ego on except my housework, and it just grates against me to let my brain make the comparison. But it's making it without my permission. And I really rather suck at housework.


I just... I had expected to have a job by now. I had expected to be doing something related to my main goal career right now. And I'm not, and that kind of sucks.

While at the same time I feel completely ashamed at being so at sea about it, because many many people have it much much much tougher than I do, and manage to do something amazing and support themselves. It's just. I haven't learned how to do that yet. And I hate not knowing how to do something.


So, pardon my self indulgence- I will be getting off my butt and making contact with people, and getting out and having a life and deciding to do cool things. But I needed to wallow aloud a bit first.
kitewithfish: (Default)
My Gentleman got confirmation that his green card is in the mail after our immigration interview last week, so I am officially at the happy ending of the Long March from Hell, a period which included two weddings (one civil), four plane trips (one transcontinental), a thesis, a graduation, vocational disappointment, a move, and an immigration interview.  

All of these were good things! Even the vocational disappointment, in the long view! But mofo, I am glad to be done with all of that.
kitewithfish: (Default)
Watching: Miss Marple. For she is awesome.

BUT.  I am in a situation, friends! For I have lost my fanvids.  My computer, stalwart though she is, had a major harddrive problem, which meant that I've got a new harddrive.  I didn't lose any of my important files- things like my taxes and my travel plans are all still there.There's only one problem.

I didn't back up my fanvids.

I've lost nearly all of them- the one with the Cylons to the Coldplay song, the Supernatural one that involves the line about having flippers, the random Highlander one that involved Methos (who is the only Highlander character I can actually recognize) and how he is like a cat, the one that actually introduced me to Lady Gaga via Spock and Kirk.

And I need them back, friends.

Can you help me find awesome fanvids again? Post your favorites, and I will follow them and be happy.
kitewithfish: (Default)
I graduated from my Masters program last Saturday. Yay! (If you have any questions to ask an M.Div, I'm here!)

But that means that for the last week, I have been unemployed.

It's a weird feeling. The only things I have to do during the day are housework and looking for a job, and preparing for the upcoming Wedding! Immigration! and other dances. It's kind of hard and kind of scary, frankly. Because our situation is such that, I could stay at home and just look for a job quite comfortably for a while, except that I need to be employed before The Gentleman's work visa turns into a pumpkin. And that's a bit unnerving.

Well, more than a bit.

I'd prefer to pretend that I am on vacation.
kitewithfish: (Default)
Today: write a paper, study Croatian

Tomorrow: finish the paper, take final exam in Croatian

Thursday: sleep

Friday: Party- grades are in and I'm graduating! FOREVER!

Saturday and Sunday and Monday and Tuesday: Glorious nothing. And Finding a Job.

Wednesday- Friday: Shepard my family about.

Saturday: Get my FUCKING MASTER'S DEGREE

Sunday: Family leaves

June 11-31: Find a Job. Pack.

July 1: Move into the new apartment. (Which is pretty!)

July 3rd: Fly home to get married. Try on dress. Do not forget shoes, tiny ninjas, clothing.

July 4th: Country's Birthday. Get Country something nice. Socialized medicine? A proper Presidential candidate?

July 5th: Wedding Rehearsal

July 7th: Wedding

July 8th: Recover from wedding. Honeymoon for a bit.

July 9th-14th ish- San Francisco. Flowers in hair. Wine. Fine tress and sea otters. Snuggles.

July 15thish- get back to Chicago. Have life. Find Job.
kitewithfish: (Default)
I've spent the day walking around Chicago and the part of it where I live, and it is time to sit and relax and be quite.

Well, actually, this is the time to sit and goof and pretend I don't have papers due, so let's do that instead!


Part of the reason I was up so tired was that I spent much of yesterday meandering through downtown on Mission: Tights.

Mission:Tights is a foray in the larger Battlefield: Wardrobe conflict. See, I'm fat. Unabashedly fat, and at the awkward end of that I'm also short, so I tend to need to shop a lot in clothing stores to find things that cover my body and also look good on my body. I think, actually, that I end up having to shop a good deal more than folks with averaged sized bodies with a relatively similar interesting in fashion. I like to have interesting clothes, I like not to look like an idiot, and I like to be comfortable- things which require a fair amount of work, given the kind of clothes that get made in the world, so I devote a fair amount of time sifting through the garments that are not made for me to find the few that are.

Mission:Tights involved a lot of walking and searching out physical stores that have discounts on nice brands of tights. (The cheap stuff wears out a lot faster for the same amount of money. So, discounts on good brands are key.) Mission:Tights was also total failure-I really couldn't find anything at all decent or in my sizes at the places I looked, so I had basically just spent a lot of time walking around in the heat on feet with tendon issues. But it did serve the desired purpose of not letting me do work on my final projects and papers!

Today, me and the Gentleman had to go and visit the premarital counselor. Who, as always, basically had us summarizing conversations we had had several months ago, about our families and future plans and the issues that we expect to face (Minister-wannabe marries Atheist! what to do!) But, as usual, things ended in our being confirmed Decent, and we were sent on our way to meander around Chicago. And to try and find if our local Large Grocery Store carries octopus. (Nope!)

So here we are, sorefoot and weary and finally home.
kitewithfish: (Default)
[personal profile] etherati is a prolific writer in the the Watchman fandom (I recommend zir zombie AU Now, as Before.


There's been a death in the family,and the resulting shakeout leaves no money for a family member who now needs more significant care for her dementia. Zie's asking for financial help.

From the post itself:

I don't usually ask for help, but this time I don't have any choice. Two weeks ago, my SO's father killed himself, suddenly and unexpectedly and, even now, for no reason any of us can figure out. I've just spent those two weeks in New Jersey trying to help them sort out the legal and financial affairs, and we're both completely shellshocked and devastated here on top of all the procedural crap. Here's the rundown of financial facts:

-There's no life insurance
-The house is under water and on a reverse mortgage (more on this further down)
-The 401K's have all been drained
-$10,000 in back taxes owed
-There is no money, at all

On top of this, his widow has been mentally deteriorating for years now and can neither live alone nor can live with any of her children, none of whom have the space or are there all day to provide her the care she needs. The trauma of this event--she was there when it happened, in the house, trying to stop him--has accelerated her decline dramatically and she needs professional care. However, in most states her social security income is both woefully inadequate to pay for care and too high to qualify her for aid, because hey, I guess in the good ol' USA old ladies with dementia are also supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, idek. I would be more furious if I had the energy for it.


Links to Paypal for donation at the end of the original post. Fandom, what can we do?
kitewithfish: (Default)
I've been busy. It's not really finals yet for anyone who's not graduating, but they are here for me. I keep having to stay up late and I can't get to sleep properly.


I really, really have no interest in what's left of the school year. My set of little first years, who I met in my last year of college, are graduating later this week, and it's kind of amazingly weird that they and I are both setting out into the world together trying to get a job and a life and some way to do things.
kitewithfish: (Default)
NOTE: I started writing a post a couple weeks ago, apparently, and never posted it. It's mostly just some incomplete thoughts on comic book characters, but I didn't want to throw it away entirely. Please accept, dear internet, this flawed child of a fractured mind.


So, last night, in a first of Avengers induced mania, I typed up some of my thoughts on a comic book pairing from Avengers Academy, Hazmat and Mettle, who show some major signs of being MEANT FOR EACH OTHER in comic book terms: they have powers that literally prevent them from easily seeking standard-human like people as romantic or sexual partners.

That's a very comic booky version of a sticking people into a relationship without really wanting to be in one. And, frankly, it's more common for writers to take the more obviously angsty alternative: two people who CANNOT HAVE SEX because of powers. (See: Rogue AKA "Life Force Sponge" and Gambit AKA "Don Juan de Bayou". Or, in fan traditions, Ben Grimm AKA The Thing "Mobile Cinderblock" and Alicia Masters "Squishy Soft Person") And sticking two people together while alluding to their sexual problems is a long tradition of comic books, which should be upheld along with inadvertent temporary genderswaps and finding out your sweetie is an alien.

And I've loved the aspect of two people being stuck together out of nothing, ya know? I kind of love the idea that you can just meet someone and BOOM. You've got a future together. And fandom has a LOT of ways of doing that.

Soulbonding is the biggest one, where two characters (usually just two) have some bizarre weird moment where they are stuck together and have some kind of psychic connection forever and ever amen. Soulbonding fics (at least the kind that I used to read a lot) tend to start out with two people who either soulbond randomly, without meaning to (Imprint: J2 RPF, nonspecific mentions of child molestation by mass_hipgnosis, or being forced into it to save someone's life (A Meeting of Minds: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, explicit, by Nix)) They have to create (or reshape, if they already knew each other) a relationship around the fact that they now have this person that they simply cannot get away from.

Why I liked it: At the time I was reading a lot of these, I was in my first serious romantic relationship. It was a lot of work, trying to get to know someone and trying to be awesome to that person and trying not to screw things up even when I really didn't know what that would look like. I didn't know if it would "work out" (whatever that meant) and while there were some major basic things for a life-long buddy that I clearly knew I wanted (no bodyshaming, vaguely feminist at least, smart and a funny, kind but not wishy-washy, solid), getting to know another person that deeply is damned hard work.
kitewithfish: (Default)
So the relationship of Hazmat and Mettle is kind of fascinating to me. Let's go through why.

Ken Mack: the solid metal surfer )

Jennifer Takeda: All-American girl one day, walking WMD the next. )

Before they start dating... )

Why I like them:

Why they work )

*EDIT: I edited Mettle's ethinic background to add the Person of Color note. In Avengers Academy #4, Mettle talks about his life and the illustrations show him as distinctly browner than his white Jewish mom, and with short dreads. His dad is shown in one image (off in the corner, in no detail at all) as being a brown/dark tan person with long dreaded hair. I read this as Black American, making Mettle one of many many characters of color whose race is invisible due to his superhuman powers. This is a problem, because he mostly looked like the Red Skull, who partied with Hitler and makes a point of calling some people less than human. The Black Jewish kid looks like the most prominent Nazi of the Marvel universe- FAIL or attempt at interesting character development?
kitewithfish: (Default)
I got another rejection from a job- one that I was really fairly qualified for, and would have liked (I think) but that's fine. Well, it will be, in any case.

In which I return to comic books after a long hiatus! Avengers Academy is delightful and deep- I'm tempted to do a little Fandom of One style introduction to it, because it cries out for fanfiction.

EDIT

So, I left this post alone for a while, and then the rest of my day happened. The lawyers came back with the packet for filing for the Gentleman's permanent residence visa, and there's another round of stuff I need to get them. He is very much worth it.

But before that, we had to handle some rather foul garbage that popped out of a very ripe garbage bag on its way to the dumpster.
kitewithfish: (Default)
I've been sick with something that might just be a hellish cold, or some flu, but I've been stuffed up and pathetic all week when I would much rather not be so pathetic. Today, I'm feeling better overall, but it's been bought at the price of my voice.

I've got no voice at all right now- I can produce a pathetic squeak if I really put effort into it, but it feels like I'm yelling and I only hear a little squeak. I'm getting by with hand gestures and whispering when I need to, but I'm pretty frustrated.

This comes at the end of a week of being fairly crappy and sickly. I was able to get my taxes done, thank god!

But I hit a problem there, where there was an error in the birthdate in the Social Security Office's info. This is the first time that came up, but it looks like they had my birthyear wrong by one year. That meant I had to go down and talk to them, with my birth certificate, and get that fixed. And it's still not fixed, but I need an NEW copy of my birth certificate to show them and a;dlkja;dlfjkaosj

So, I've had about as much energy as I need to deal with one thing per day, and then to collapse in the afternoon. Taxes, Stupid Governmental Misunderstandings have been dealt with, and some networking and handing out my resume, but I get home and have to rest.

I spent a good deal of yesterday morning at an event where I got to meet a lot of People Who Might Someday Hire Me, which was great! Honestly! Really happy about that.

But I work up the next day and had no voice at all, and I think that those things are related. Beyond that, I think I'm on the mend, but I could use some love.
kitewithfish: (DW:amypond; don't even blink)
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now,(even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad. :)

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your journal if you are so inclined and see what your friends come up with.
kitewithfish: (Default)
If you're thinking Vin Diesel, stop right now. Because I have just discovered on Netflix a movie from 1955 about a thief who steals a car. And you just *guess* what it's called. :D
kitewithfish: (Default)
I'm planning on going to C2E2 next weekend (probably on Saturday and later on Sunday) tarted up as Catelyn Stark (nee Tully) from Game of Thrones. Is anyone else heading there?
kitewithfish: (Default)
is a great time to go building castles in the cloud, but it's kind of hard on the ego.
kitewithfish: (Default)
[personal profile] sophia_helix did a challenge of responding briefly on 7 topics.  I poked my head in and she threw these my way.


1) Favorite Doctor Who
I'm only familiar with the 2005 and following Doctors, so I'm not going to pretend I get to pick beyond those. I feel like I love the intricately plotted, relational, timey-wimey Eleventh Doctor the most of those three- Christ Eccleston was great at being shell-shocked, Tennent was great at being wacky and fierce, but Eleven actually occasionally feels deeply alien to me in a way neither of them did.

2) The Dresden Files
Disclaimer- the Dresden Files suck at feminism, and rewrite the highly multiracial Chicago to be entirely white, which is Not Cool. (I presently live in the area around University of Chicago, where Billy and the baby werewolves live. We don't worry about trolls, we worry about muggers.) The only black character of substance, in a 10+ series of books, is RUSSIAN.

HOWEVER. The first person narratives are cheesy in the best of the genre voice-over talent. There is loads of irony, and angst, and there is an overall movement of the book from being "This is something I wrote to show how much contempt I have for urban fantasy" to "This series will be my best-loved legacy, better make it good." The characters are flawed, the narrator is unreliable, the moral choices are dark and twisted but faced by someone who is ABSOLUTELY COMMITTED to being the kind of fuck-up that he is, for good or ill. There is deep and abidingly awesome slash potential. There are supporting characters who act believably and with strength and integrity.

And, on one memorable instance, when the moon was high and the odds were, too, there was a zombie tyrannosaur.

3) Dream Vacation
Cool weather on firm ground, with sweaters but not coats yet, somewhere near an ocean. With the potential for tea, and either a LARGE stack of genre novels and "good" books, or a fast internet connection. My Gentleman would condescendingly teach me how to clean a fish. Within a train ride or bus, some really good restaurants. A reasonable chance for me to communicate on my own in the native language.

4) FOOD!

I recently learned to make cheese!

I also am making bread more and spaghetti sauce, and and and. The experience has made me love food a lot more, because now eating is both food, and an analytical experience that I can tweak and learn from.

I have also stopped experimenting with recipes so much- usually, the recipe will give me something tasty, so I don't tweak until the second time around, or unless I have to. But when I do tweak, I am less likely to find out it was a horrible mistake.

I currently make really good lasagna, steamed fish and veggies, chicken and dumpling soup, over roasted potatoes, mashed potatoes, black bean and pumpkin soup, and buttermilk pancakes.

5)Marrying a foreigner.

Well, I'm actually still kind of in the process? Because while there's been a civil wedding, it's been recently enough that we have not yet started the legality phase, and the actual religious and family ceremony is some months off.

It's hard to find where "marrying someone" and "marrying a foreigner" meet, because there are certainly things going on in my head with getting married. My sister's reaction! My mother stepping in to plan the wedding! Moving in with my future husband! Meeting his parents.

And there are some things that are very clearly FOREIGN about the experience. Meeting his parents meant trans-Atlantic flights, and them speaking my language, not theirs. I had to learn their language. (Slowly. Painfully. Ongoing project, friends.) I have had to figure out some stuff.

But, honestly, there's a lot of stuff that's inflected by his foreignness that benefits from that-- meeting and joining (to an extent) another person's FAMILY is an act of migration and translation and adoption, all of which are made more apparent and clear by the difference in culture, but would still have major differences in family culture that would have to be dealt with, whether or not he was foreign.

I am very glad that we are both of appropriate genders that my country will consider our marriage valid and grant him permanent residence.

6) Best childhood memory

This is kind of an unnatural way of thinking about my childhood- I can easily think of the really awful things that, as a child, I thought were really awful! But I cannot think of happiness as an emotion with the same kind of sorting algorithm.

However, I remember the day my mom brought our first dog back from the pound. That dog was MY DOG. I took her on walks, I made her sleep in my bed, I fed her. She was MY dog, more than anyone else in the house. And as that was a huge milestone and a major step in my life, I remember it well. By comparison, my brother was born two years before we got the dog, and I have no recollection of his birth at all.


7) Books, Natch.

I changed my desk to a standing desk by hoisting it up on stacks of books that I don't use or read often, and the change was 15 inches. These included dictionaries for Latin and German, and the Hebrew Bible, as well as just some other thick books.

My habit of purchasing books have altered recently. I read a lot of books for my curriculum and I highlight them like mad with colored pencils, so I try to buy them rather than altering the library books.

For pleasure reading, I buy books from people who I want to succeed.

Mary Doria Russell, I want you to succeed- I have all your novels in hardcover.

N.K. Jemisin, I want you to succeed, I own all of your novels, because you are the shit and I want to keep reading your stuff forever.

Jim Butcher, you are sometimes problematic with the white!Chicago, but you made it so your fans could legally do free fanfic of your stuff, so I bought a lot of your Dresden Files books, and I want you to succeed. Also, Marcone is the shit.

China Mieville, you bald brilliant weirdling, I buy your books because I want you to succeed and write me more novels and children's novels that I can give to my future!spawn and make them weird, too. I also like the shape of your head.

Naomi Novik, I want you to succeed, and I have all of your Temeraire books, and when there was a promotion to get a free copy sent to a friend, I did that too.

Greg Rucka, I buy your books because I want you to succeed, mostly so that you will write more about Two-Face and Renee Montoya, but feel free to also do more of those bodyguard novels.

Diane Duane, I have bought all of your Young Wizards series, starting from when I was twelve, because I want you to succeed. (Actually, Diane, I'm not worried too much about you. But I still give you money, just to make sure.)

Neal Stephenson, I buy your books on Kindle, because I want you to succeed, but I also feel bad about the number of trees you kill.

George RR Martin, I buy your books once a decade, because that's when you publish more in the Song of Ice and Fire, but also in the hopes that you will someday relax your anti-fanfic policy and allow the flowering of a Westerosi sandbox, the mere dream of which brings tears to my little eyes.

I buy your books (as opposed to getting them from the library in a few months) because I love you and I want you to write and I want you to write a lot of good things for me to read.

Authors, I am FARMING you. Because each one of you have given me something deep and ephemeral, wonderful and fine, and I will pay you my precious student dollars because when I someday stop being a student and have more money to blow on you, I want you to still be there for me to read your most recent books.
kitewithfish: (Default)
I've been on Full Burn for the last three weeks, basically, and it's done, so I'm freaking out.

I have already bought my books for next quarter.

I made cheese today. And intend to make more. I am so freaked out about not having anything to do with myself, I learned to make cheese.

The Fresh!Husband has told me to relax or he'll sit on me.
kitewithfish: (Default)
Monday- Final.
Tuesday- Final
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday- Master's thesis.

On Saturday night I went to city hall and got married, and then enjoyed the rest of Public Drunkenness Day.

Which meant a lot of stuff was going on last week. And kind of the week before. And now, I'm done with stuff for the day, while I do have stuff to do on Tuesday and Wednesday of a fairly important nature, I am still not doing anything TODAY.

Which is weird. Deeply and profoundly weird. And possibly wrong. Deeply deeply wrong.

Damn it.

I think this quarter has destroyed my ability to relax except through major stress.

What is wrong with my brain.......

Grad school. Grad school is what is wrong with my brain. My brain is broken, by grad school.

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