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kitewithfishThings that I (read: various Swelles people) have learned from books.
1. Never say you'll do a favor until you know what it is. (Talking with Dragons)
2. The most distinct and carrying part of a whisper is the "s" sound, so for ultimate quietness, lisp when you whisper (The Last Battle)
3. "Always distrust the man who looks you straight in the eyes. He wants to prevent you from seeing something. Look for it." (Gaudy Night)
4.don't eat too much honey or you'll get stuck in rabbit's front door (winnie the pooh)
5. never give a mouse a cookie (if you give a mouse a cookie)
6. everybody poops (everybody poops)
7. Bring your towel (Hitchhiker's Guide)
8. Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything: 42 (Hitchhiker's)
9. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife (Pride & Prejudice)
10. Girls can do everything boys can. Usually better (Every Tamora Pierce book ever)
11. What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well. (The Little Prince)
12. Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. (Lemony Snicket)
13. Guys wearing Harvard sweatshirts are evil, telepathic/telekinetic cannibals. (Stephen King's Cell)
14. If you're sane enough to know you're insane, you're really not (Catch-22)
15. Never cough when your boat is passing a sleeping T Rex (Jurassic Park)
16. If you truly understand your enemy completely, they cannot be your enemy. (Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game)
17. Dog food tastes alright. (Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs)
18. Everything you have ever learned, believed to be true and considered universally correct may just simply be wrong (Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah)
19. Boys can get the hang of how to put on a bra at a young age (Boy2Girl)
20. Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' and only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'" (Princess Bride--the book)
21. "Come not between a Nazgul and his prey" (Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
22. Women make kick-ass warriors because if no man can kill an evil being, then a woman can (LotR:RotK)
23. Good liars give details. (The Idiot by Feodor Dostoyevsky)
24. there is no such thing as good aunts and bad aunts. At the core, all aunts are alike. sooner of later, out pops the cloven hoof. (Wodehouse)
25. Poets, as a class are business men who have one eye fixed on the royalty returns. (wodehouse)
26. Tourists are idiots. (terry Pratchett, the colour of magic)
27. The greates things in life are "Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper." (terry pratchett, the light fantastic.)
28. Everything can be used as a weapon (Mercedes Lackey books)
29. Everyone is the hero of his/her/its own story (Ender's Game/Speaker for the Dead)
30. Tradition is very powerful, but the wise and cunning can outwit it. (The Fairy Godmother, Mercedes Lackey)
31. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen six, result hapiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery. (David Copperfield)
32. You can't pray a lie. (Huck Finn)
34. Irish babies are an excellent delicacy. (Swift, A Modest Proposal)
35. Never walk into the Old Forest without a compass. (Lord of the Rings)
34. Home is overrated. (Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman) - or - Change or Die (Sandman, Neil Gaiman)
35. Next time, I will find someone who will be good to me. (Tracy Thompson)
36. When people do mean or stupid things, remember them so that you can mock them mercilessly in your book later in life. (The collected works of David Sedaris)
37. If you're going to do mean or stupid things, make sure it's not to anyone who can write. (same as above)
38. Some days are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Even in Australia. (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)
39. Travel can cure all ills (Eat, Pray, Love)
40. If you're going to hide in a wardrobe, don't close the door behind you. (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)
41. If you're going to hide in a wardrobe, close the door behind you! (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)
42. Your Mama is not necessarily a llama. (Is Your Mama a Llama?)
43. If you give a mouse a cookie, you will be busy all damn day. (If you give a mouse a cookie)
44. Giving a pig a pancake is not quite the same as giving a mouse a cookie.
45. Trying to escape your fate is never a good idea (Oedipus Rex)
46. 30 year old boys who talk more about killing their murdering incestuous uncle instead of actually doing it (and driving you crazy in the process) are not worth your time (Hamlet)
47. How to use the potty (Once Upon a Potty)
48. Mommies will always love you no matter what (I'll Love You Forever)
49. Don't mess with nature. And pesticides are bad (Rachel Carson's Silent Spring).
50. If you walk around New York hitting a tamborine, you're bound to make friends. (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer)
51. Follow your hunch. Yes, that guy really is that skeezy (All of Sir Conan Doyle's writings)
52. Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it... yet. (Anne of Green Gables)
53. I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. (Emma)
54. A man's errors are his portals of discovery. (Ulysses)
55. People believe almost anything they see in print. (Charlotte's Web)
56. It's much better to house giant spiders in a forbidden forest than a shoe box. (H.P. and the Chamber of Secrets)
51) Everything Has A Price (Black Jewels Triliogy--Anne Bishop)
52) One side will make you taller (Alice in Wonderland)
53) Never Piss off a Blond Chick (Animorphs and Fearless)
54) There is a substantial difference between clothing and outfits (Animorphs)
55) Sometimes you just have to dance in the self-help section (Boy Meets Boy)
56) You become responsible forever for what you've tamed (the little prince)
57. Since you can't go backwards or sideways, always go forwards. (The Hobbit)
58. Onions fix everything. (Holes)
59. Ministers and chocolate shop owners think in different fonts. (Chocolat)
60. There has never been a trap that has matched the trap of love. (The Gunslinger)
61. Don't panic. (Hitchhiker's)
62. The MIT guide to lockpicking is useless. (Lockpick Pornography)
63. If you get rabies, you'll become a legend. (Rant)
64. When a dead bartender tells you that you ought to kill your wife and child, it is time to shovel some snow and get the hell out (The Shining)
65. Water is delicious (The Search for Delicious)
66. You carry the people you love with you everywhere you go (Rule of the Bone)
67. Everything exists simultaneously, past, present, and future (100 Years of Solitude)
68. Truly innocent and beautiful people float up to Heaven while others watch (100 Years of Solitude)
69. Love is the only ecstasy. Everything else weeps (Les Miserables)
70. It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities (HP and Chamber of Secrets)
71. Books! And cleverness! There are more important things, friendship and bravery.... (HP and Prisoner of Azkaban)
71. All that glitters is not gold and all who wander are not lost (Lord of the Rings)
72. Man is riding on a failed machine of society (Ishmael)
73. Take the less obvious option. (any Choose Your Own Adventure book)--The message I always took away from this series was that no matter which path you take, more often than not, you end up in a world of pain with everything going dark around you.
74. When playing baseball, stealing a base does not mean picking it up and running with it. (Play Ball, Amelia Bedelia)
75. Sometimes, there are times when you cannot find a rhyme. (Down by the Bay)
76. People fantasize when they remember people and places so that they are disappointed when they see them in reality. (Love in the Time of Cholera)
77. Nose jobs are really gross and expose your brain, but people will write poetry about them anyway. (V.)
78. "The worst thing to look like right now is a politician; this is a bad year for them.” (Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, '72)
79. If you're charismatic and powerful, your raw sexual magnetism is greatly magnified, even if you're a weird-looking midget who narrowly avoided spending your entire life being carried about in a bucket. (The Vorkosigan Saga)
80. Therapists do more harm than good. (Shards of Honor)
81. Never, ever underestimate the power of stupidity backed by a helluva lot of determination. (The Dresden Files)
82. When going up against necromancers, reanimate a tyrannosaurus. (The Dresden Files)
83. You don't have to kiss a magically sleeping person to wake them; a breath will do. (Sabriel.)
84. A kiss change the way you see the world, even if not the world itself. (The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King)
85. When in a boat and pursued by Cthulhu, reversing and driving through him can save your life. (The Call of Cthulhu)
86. Think before you make a promise, especially ones that involve the rest of your family or paying off a giant spider. (The Silmarillion)
87. When a group of 12-year old boys must govern themselves on a deserted island, things don't end well (Lord of the Flies)
88. We are in awe of those who "steal the horse" (Heart of Darkness)
89. Those who society deems as "barbarians/uncivilized" are sometimes more civilized than those who are deemed "civilized people" (Heart of Darkness)
90. "God is God however called, and always good. I think it sin to believe God can be cruel or vindictive" (Mists of Avalon)
91. Life sucks, then you die. (Tess of the d'Urbervilles)
92. Society creates and perpetuates its own criminal underclass. Also, the good guys are boring. (Oliver Twist)
93. Check in the trunk. (American Gods)
94. When the hip mathematician says you'll fail, you probably will. (Jurassic Park)
95. If someone tells you he wants to kill people, you should take him seriously, just in case. (A Time to Kill)
96. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And it probably involves the mob. (The Firm)
97. Chronological order is overrated. (Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe)
98. Don't play with nanoparticles. It isn't worth the hassle. (Prey)
99. Life is a game. (Battle Royale)
100. The Code dictates that the bad guys must always hire stupid thugs, and must always escape. Also, the more outnumbered the "hero" the better his chances. Especially if he's a strapping young man found and raised by dwarves since infancy, and possibly the long lost royal scion. (The Last Hero--Terry Pratchett)
101. Revenge is a dish best served cold (Les Liaisons Dangereuses)
102. "A sword thrust is a sword thrust whatever the age of the the one who gives it" (Three Musketeers)
103. All cats are grey in the dark (Three Musketeers)
104. Driving cross country, doing drugs, paying hookers, eating at Waffle House and writing poetry is the only way to live, and can ultimately make you into a celebrated artist of your time (On the Road)----------> so don't worry about finding that job, seniors!
105.Writing is somehow a way to resist the current that sweeps us along, a way of inscribing oneself in time, to mark points of reference in the immateriality of its course; incisions, scratches. -- Jean-Philippe Tousaint, Self-Portrait (Abroad)
1. Never say you'll do a favor until you know what it is. (Talking with Dragons)
2. The most distinct and carrying part of a whisper is the "s" sound, so for ultimate quietness, lisp when you whisper (The Last Battle)
3. "Always distrust the man who looks you straight in the eyes. He wants to prevent you from seeing something. Look for it." (Gaudy Night)
4.don't eat too much honey or you'll get stuck in rabbit's front door (winnie the pooh)
5. never give a mouse a cookie (if you give a mouse a cookie)
6. everybody poops (everybody poops)
7. Bring your towel (Hitchhiker's Guide)
8. Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything: 42 (Hitchhiker's)
9. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife (Pride & Prejudice)
10. Girls can do everything boys can. Usually better (Every Tamora Pierce book ever)
11. What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well. (The Little Prince)
12. Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. (Lemony Snicket)
13. Guys wearing Harvard sweatshirts are evil, telepathic/telekinetic cannibals. (Stephen King's Cell)
14. If you're sane enough to know you're insane, you're really not (Catch-22)
15. Never cough when your boat is passing a sleeping T Rex (Jurassic Park)
16. If you truly understand your enemy completely, they cannot be your enemy. (Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game)
17. Dog food tastes alright. (Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs)
18. Everything you have ever learned, believed to be true and considered universally correct may just simply be wrong (Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah)
19. Boys can get the hang of how to put on a bra at a young age (Boy2Girl)
20. Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' and only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'" (Princess Bride--the book)
21. "Come not between a Nazgul and his prey" (Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
22. Women make kick-ass warriors because if no man can kill an evil being, then a woman can (LotR:RotK)
23. Good liars give details. (The Idiot by Feodor Dostoyevsky)
24. there is no such thing as good aunts and bad aunts. At the core, all aunts are alike. sooner of later, out pops the cloven hoof. (Wodehouse)
25. Poets, as a class are business men who have one eye fixed on the royalty returns. (wodehouse)
26. Tourists are idiots. (terry Pratchett, the colour of magic)
27. The greates things in life are "Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper." (terry pratchett, the light fantastic.)
28. Everything can be used as a weapon (Mercedes Lackey books)
29. Everyone is the hero of his/her/its own story (Ender's Game/Speaker for the Dead)
30. Tradition is very powerful, but the wise and cunning can outwit it. (The Fairy Godmother, Mercedes Lackey)
31. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen six, result hapiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery. (David Copperfield)
32. You can't pray a lie. (Huck Finn)
34. Irish babies are an excellent delicacy. (Swift, A Modest Proposal)
35. Never walk into the Old Forest without a compass. (Lord of the Rings)
34. Home is overrated. (Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman) - or - Change or Die (Sandman, Neil Gaiman)
35. Next time, I will find someone who will be good to me. (Tracy Thompson)
36. When people do mean or stupid things, remember them so that you can mock them mercilessly in your book later in life. (The collected works of David Sedaris)
37. If you're going to do mean or stupid things, make sure it's not to anyone who can write. (same as above)
38. Some days are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. Even in Australia. (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day)
39. Travel can cure all ills (Eat, Pray, Love)
40. If you're going to hide in a wardrobe, don't close the door behind you. (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)
41. If you're going to hide in a wardrobe, close the door behind you! (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe)
42. Your Mama is not necessarily a llama. (Is Your Mama a Llama?)
43. If you give a mouse a cookie, you will be busy all damn day. (If you give a mouse a cookie)
44. Giving a pig a pancake is not quite the same as giving a mouse a cookie.
45. Trying to escape your fate is never a good idea (Oedipus Rex)
46. 30 year old boys who talk more about killing their murdering incestuous uncle instead of actually doing it (and driving you crazy in the process) are not worth your time (Hamlet)
47. How to use the potty (Once Upon a Potty)
48. Mommies will always love you no matter what (I'll Love You Forever)
49. Don't mess with nature. And pesticides are bad (Rachel Carson's Silent Spring).
50. If you walk around New York hitting a tamborine, you're bound to make friends. (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer)
51. Follow your hunch. Yes, that guy really is that skeezy (All of Sir Conan Doyle's writings)
52. Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it... yet. (Anne of Green Gables)
53. I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. (Emma)
54. A man's errors are his portals of discovery. (Ulysses)
55. People believe almost anything they see in print. (Charlotte's Web)
56. It's much better to house giant spiders in a forbidden forest than a shoe box. (H.P. and the Chamber of Secrets)
51) Everything Has A Price (Black Jewels Triliogy--Anne Bishop)
52) One side will make you taller (Alice in Wonderland)
53) Never Piss off a Blond Chick (Animorphs and Fearless)
54) There is a substantial difference between clothing and outfits (Animorphs)
55) Sometimes you just have to dance in the self-help section (Boy Meets Boy)
56) You become responsible forever for what you've tamed (the little prince)
57. Since you can't go backwards or sideways, always go forwards. (The Hobbit)
58. Onions fix everything. (Holes)
59. Ministers and chocolate shop owners think in different fonts. (Chocolat)
60. There has never been a trap that has matched the trap of love. (The Gunslinger)
61. Don't panic. (Hitchhiker's)
62. The MIT guide to lockpicking is useless. (Lockpick Pornography)
63. If you get rabies, you'll become a legend. (Rant)
64. When a dead bartender tells you that you ought to kill your wife and child, it is time to shovel some snow and get the hell out (The Shining)
65. Water is delicious (The Search for Delicious)
66. You carry the people you love with you everywhere you go (Rule of the Bone)
67. Everything exists simultaneously, past, present, and future (100 Years of Solitude)
68. Truly innocent and beautiful people float up to Heaven while others watch (100 Years of Solitude)
69. Love is the only ecstasy. Everything else weeps (Les Miserables)
70. It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities (HP and Chamber of Secrets)
71. Books! And cleverness! There are more important things, friendship and bravery.... (HP and Prisoner of Azkaban)
71. All that glitters is not gold and all who wander are not lost (Lord of the Rings)
72. Man is riding on a failed machine of society (Ishmael)
73. Take the less obvious option. (any Choose Your Own Adventure book)--The message I always took away from this series was that no matter which path you take, more often than not, you end up in a world of pain with everything going dark around you.
74. When playing baseball, stealing a base does not mean picking it up and running with it. (Play Ball, Amelia Bedelia)
75. Sometimes, there are times when you cannot find a rhyme. (Down by the Bay)
76. People fantasize when they remember people and places so that they are disappointed when they see them in reality. (Love in the Time of Cholera)
77. Nose jobs are really gross and expose your brain, but people will write poetry about them anyway. (V.)
78. "The worst thing to look like right now is a politician; this is a bad year for them.” (Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, '72)
79. If you're charismatic and powerful, your raw sexual magnetism is greatly magnified, even if you're a weird-looking midget who narrowly avoided spending your entire life being carried about in a bucket. (The Vorkosigan Saga)
80. Therapists do more harm than good. (Shards of Honor)
81. Never, ever underestimate the power of stupidity backed by a helluva lot of determination. (The Dresden Files)
82. When going up against necromancers, reanimate a tyrannosaurus. (The Dresden Files)
83. You don't have to kiss a magically sleeping person to wake them; a breath will do. (Sabriel.)
84. A kiss change the way you see the world, even if not the world itself. (The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King)
85. When in a boat and pursued by Cthulhu, reversing and driving through him can save your life. (The Call of Cthulhu)
86. Think before you make a promise, especially ones that involve the rest of your family or paying off a giant spider. (The Silmarillion)
87. When a group of 12-year old boys must govern themselves on a deserted island, things don't end well (Lord of the Flies)
88. We are in awe of those who "steal the horse" (Heart of Darkness)
89. Those who society deems as "barbarians/uncivilized" are sometimes more civilized than those who are deemed "civilized people" (Heart of Darkness)
90. "God is God however called, and always good. I think it sin to believe God can be cruel or vindictive" (Mists of Avalon)
91. Life sucks, then you die. (Tess of the d'Urbervilles)
92. Society creates and perpetuates its own criminal underclass. Also, the good guys are boring. (Oliver Twist)
93. Check in the trunk. (American Gods)
94. When the hip mathematician says you'll fail, you probably will. (Jurassic Park)
95. If someone tells you he wants to kill people, you should take him seriously, just in case. (A Time to Kill)
96. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And it probably involves the mob. (The Firm)
97. Chronological order is overrated. (Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe)
98. Don't play with nanoparticles. It isn't worth the hassle. (Prey)
99. Life is a game. (Battle Royale)
100. The Code dictates that the bad guys must always hire stupid thugs, and must always escape. Also, the more outnumbered the "hero" the better his chances. Especially if he's a strapping young man found and raised by dwarves since infancy, and possibly the long lost royal scion. (The Last Hero--Terry Pratchett)
101. Revenge is a dish best served cold (Les Liaisons Dangereuses)
102. "A sword thrust is a sword thrust whatever the age of the the one who gives it" (Three Musketeers)
103. All cats are grey in the dark (Three Musketeers)
104. Driving cross country, doing drugs, paying hookers, eating at Waffle House and writing poetry is the only way to live, and can ultimately make you into a celebrated artist of your time (On the Road)----------> so don't worry about finding that job, seniors!
105.Writing is somehow a way to resist the current that sweeps us along, a way of inscribing oneself in time, to mark points of reference in the immateriality of its course; incisions, scratches. -- Jean-Philippe Tousaint, Self-Portrait (Abroad)
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-10 01:26 am (UTC)It is "all that is gold does not glitter" and "not all who wander are lost."
It is possible to mentally finesse the categoricals in the former phrasing in order to produce the meaning Tolkien desired, but the more natural reading suggests that gold NEVER glitters and those who wander are NEVER lost. The text itself, however, is plain; gold sometimes glitters but also sometimes doesn't, and those who wander are sometimes lost, but not always.