Meme: The Unscoop
Jun. 19th, 2008 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitewithfishYou know how sometimes people on your friend’s list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think “Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???” And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy the question below, erase my answers, put yours in their place, then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration and feel free to ask for elaboration from me as well!
1. First Name: I believe I've posted recently in great detail about how hard German-speakers find my name to pronounce, so I will just put it out there: I am Kathleen. "Beanie" is a family and friends nickname that stemmed from a lot of silly rhyming games in my childhood.
2. Age: 21
3. Location: Vienna Austria, until the end of this month. That's ten days, friend. After that, back to MA.
3a. But Where the Fuck Are You From: Born in New Mexico, raised in Rhode Island, finally got to a state with only one word in its name when I moved to Massachusetts at age eleven. I self-identify as a Massachusettsian, or a least a New Englander.
4. Occupation: Student- I am going into my senior year with a double major in Religion and German Language and Literature.
5. Partner: I am my own Robin. I need no sidekick. But, if anyone wants to team up...?
6. Kids: *runs screaming* Someday. In the distant future.
7. Brothers/Sisters: One older sister, who has recently become more awesome by virtue of growing up and becoming a real human being, and one younger brother who just graduated high school. They are both actually really interesting and cool people. And generally smart. And tall. How did they both end up taller than average and me so short? Gah. We don't look that much alike, but once you get us talking, we all have *very* similar modes of expression which include copious amounts of ridiculous words and a reliance on the good will of the listener to distinguish between benign sarcastic humor and actual ill will. Banter: It's what's for dinner!
8. Pets: I need to have a dog. This is a simple truth: I grew up with a great small yellow dog saved from a shelter, and I am simply accustomed to having a canine in my home. They are petable and make you walk places. Currently, I make do by spoiling my grandmother's dog and taking it on walks.
9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life: German, school, over-analysis as a competitive sport, comics, blind terror of the future.
10. Where and for what did you go to school for?: Currently enrolled at the University of Vienna, but my main school is Wellesley College.
11. Parents: Kind, socially responsible, Christian, well-educated, intelligent people. Also, cuddly. My father gives excellent backrubs (I have the main *trained.*) and mom strokes my ego by asking for advice. Mmmmm.
12. Who are some of your closest friends?: I tend to glomm onto kindred snarky spirits. I am genuinely uncomfortable who do not laugh at my jokes- humor is a huge part of how I relate to others, and I will forgive a great deal of flaws/virtues if someone at least makes an effort to reassure my insecurities by acknowledging my attempts at humor. I also love the ones who are interesting and brilliant. Near to my heart are my dear friends![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
no_girl, littlecatfeet and spookiepookie, as well as a number of others who do not have livejournals. (I will not name them, though they do appear in my lj incognifty from time to time.)
Recently (well, several months ago now) I had a friend, who I considered to be very honest and very dear to me, explicitly drop me out of her life without warning or explanation. She did this via email while separated by an ocean and the better part of two continents, and said that she had been avoiding talking to me via email for several months. I have no idea why she did this, and I have had no contact with her since, as per her request.
As a result, this makes me insecure about my current friendships. Often I present a ironic and blunt face in my relationships because a) I really enjoy playful verbal sparring and have a fairly thick skin, and b) I don't vent my anger in passive-agressive argumentation- the mock-fights I had with my friends are very different than the way I act when honestly hurt or angry. I worry that what I have done in the past, play-arguing and jousting in good humor while relying on an underlying affection to strengthen the relationship, helped to alienate my friend from me. I considered most of our sparring as games and fun for both of us. I am now afraid that she was sometimes earnest and I did not see it, or that I stepped on her feelings as a joke and she didn't tell me about it because she thought I would not care.
I'm going back to college in a few months, and I am still nervous about what will happen with her. I am also nervous that she represents a new pattern, and that again I will end up all by my lonesome without bosom buddies , as I spent a great deal of my later childhood and early adolescence. It's just anxiety, but it was something that I'd gone pretty well without for the last couple years. Having it back sucks.
Please copy the question below, erase my answers, put yours in their place, then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration and feel free to ask for elaboration from me as well!
1. First Name: I believe I've posted recently in great detail about how hard German-speakers find my name to pronounce, so I will just put it out there: I am Kathleen. "Beanie" is a family and friends nickname that stemmed from a lot of silly rhyming games in my childhood.
2. Age: 21
3. Location: Vienna Austria, until the end of this month. That's ten days, friend. After that, back to MA.
3a. But Where the Fuck Are You From: Born in New Mexico, raised in Rhode Island, finally got to a state with only one word in its name when I moved to Massachusetts at age eleven. I self-identify as a Massachusettsian, or a least a New Englander.
4. Occupation: Student- I am going into my senior year with a double major in Religion and German Language and Literature.
5. Partner: I am my own Robin. I need no sidekick. But, if anyone wants to team up...?
6. Kids: *runs screaming* Someday. In the distant future.
7. Brothers/Sisters: One older sister, who has recently become more awesome by virtue of growing up and becoming a real human being, and one younger brother who just graduated high school. They are both actually really interesting and cool people. And generally smart. And tall. How did they both end up taller than average and me so short? Gah. We don't look that much alike, but once you get us talking, we all have *very* similar modes of expression which include copious amounts of ridiculous words and a reliance on the good will of the listener to distinguish between benign sarcastic humor and actual ill will. Banter: It's what's for dinner!
8. Pets: I need to have a dog. This is a simple truth: I grew up with a great small yellow dog saved from a shelter, and I am simply accustomed to having a canine in my home. They are petable and make you walk places. Currently, I make do by spoiling my grandmother's dog and taking it on walks.
9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life: German, school, over-analysis as a competitive sport, comics, blind terror of the future.
10. Where and for what did you go to school for?: Currently enrolled at the University of Vienna, but my main school is Wellesley College.
11. Parents: Kind, socially responsible, Christian, well-educated, intelligent people. Also, cuddly. My father gives excellent backrubs (I have the main *trained.*) and mom strokes my ego by asking for advice. Mmmmm.
12. Who are some of your closest friends?: I tend to glomm onto kindred snarky spirits. I am genuinely uncomfortable who do not laugh at my jokes- humor is a huge part of how I relate to others, and I will forgive a great deal of flaws/virtues if someone at least makes an effort to reassure my insecurities by acknowledging my attempts at humor. I also love the ones who are interesting and brilliant. Near to my heart are my dear friends
no_girl, littlecatfeet and spookiepookie, as well as a number of others who do not have livejournals. (I will not name them, though they do appear in my lj incognifty from time to time.) Recently (well, several months ago now) I had a friend, who I considered to be very honest and very dear to me, explicitly drop me out of her life without warning or explanation. She did this via email while separated by an ocean and the better part of two continents, and said that she had been avoiding talking to me via email for several months. I have no idea why she did this, and I have had no contact with her since, as per her request.
As a result, this makes me insecure about my current friendships. Often I present a ironic and blunt face in my relationships because a) I really enjoy playful verbal sparring and have a fairly thick skin, and b) I don't vent my anger in passive-agressive argumentation- the mock-fights I had with my friends are very different than the way I act when honestly hurt or angry. I worry that what I have done in the past, play-arguing and jousting in good humor while relying on an underlying affection to strengthen the relationship, helped to alienate my friend from me. I considered most of our sparring as games and fun for both of us. I am now afraid that she was sometimes earnest and I did not see it, or that I stepped on her feelings as a joke and she didn't tell me about it because she thought I would not care.
I'm going back to college in a few months, and I am still nervous about what will happen with her. I am also nervous that she represents a new pattern, and that again I will end up all by my lonesome without bosom buddies , as I spent a great deal of my later childhood and early adolescence. It's just anxiety, but it was something that I'd gone pretty well without for the last couple years. Having it back sucks.
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new pattern, my eye
Date: 2008-06-20 12:42 am (UTC)This (your last paragraph)will all be well. The particular situation will be healed or it won't. But the grace and generosity of your natural personality will be valued by most who know you, and the lesson you have learned (that sometimes people are simply inexplicable and baffling) is a good one to have learned so young. I am so sorry you still feel such pain over this.
Re: new pattern, my eye
Date: 2008-06-20 04:21 am (UTC)