In the Aftermath

[kitewithfish]

So, in the wake of yesterday's confusion of noncommunication and remorse, I'm feeling better and slightly more able to handle things. (For those of you following outside the friends-locked zone, a very close friend of mine told me that she'd been avoiding my emails for the last few months hoping that I'd get the hint that she did not want to talk to me. She severed all ties last night, and will be deleting all emails from me in the future without reading them. There was no explanation for this, and no clear point of origin for her actions. )

At this point, I would like to make the following announcements.

1. Much love to figureinthefog, spookiepookie, littlecatfeet, Emma-friend, J-Mo and 'Cedes bearing with me and emotional support in the wake of this whole mess.

2. As several of you guys are mutual friends of me and the person on the other side of this, I understand that this will be an incredible awkward position for you guys to be in for a while, and I will try as best as I can to keep you out of it as completely as possible. I do not want this to become a divisive point for our little cabal of friends, and if you feel like you're being pushed around by this, please tell me and I will try to work something out so that there's less pressure on you about it.

If I seem like I'm 'chatting you up' more than usual, it's not an attempt at politicking so much as a panicked response that falling out of touch with someone could mean that I come back to Swelles and find that we're estranged. I think I'm going to be a little freaked out for a while about this whole thing.

3. I do not like to walk away from relationships, and I do not throw people away. If you have a problem with me, please tell me. Don't sit on it and let it fester. Even if it's painful and sucky for you to have to discuss it, please please please don't just sit on it. Because I'm kind of oblivious to clear social cues at times and really might just not get the hint without you making it explicit. I would rather have an argument and feel like an asshole for something I did to offend you unknowingly than have you angry at me without any way to fix things.

Comments

[littlecatfeet.livejournal.com]

I said it before, but I am so sorry. Nobody, least of all a fun, quirky, caring and interesting person like yourself, deserves to have that happen to them. Whatever she's going through, whatever she thinks you did, it's a shitty way to deal with friends.

Be well.

[beanie-platypus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's kind of the thing, isn't it? Even though the painful part of this situation is that this relationship just disintegrated without warning, the fact that it *could* even happen like that seem s to suggest that there was already instabilities that I wasn't picking up on. Why fight for something that was not worth it? (Perhaps that was her philosophy...?)

But, ya know, whatever. This is not going to visibly affect my day to day life for a while (till I get back to school anyways) and even then it might not really be an issue- perhaps things will have cooled enough that we can at least be civil to one another and not stress out the group dynamics.

I've basically lost a day to worrying about this yesterday, and I'm just going to get on with the day to day stuff for now.