kitewithfish

God I love this song....

I've been doing some great procrastination today, but I think I might actually reach a critical mass of boredom and tea consumption that results in actual productivity fairly soon.

I went on a wander-around today, partially just to get out of my tiny little room and my seductive internet access, but also with the vague notion of replacing my quickly filling Moleskine notebook (the gridded kind, I love it so much), which is almost done and will not last another trip where I can't get to my livejournal. However, they cost E15 pretty much uniformly, and that makes me think that I might *just* try some other notebook style for while, even if it interrupts the flow of the volumes.

First, let me say that this is just me flopping my tongue on the keyboard. The flow is not great, and the prose is lacking, but I sort of just wanted to brain fart and see what came out. Eew, sorry for that mental picture.

I've been doing a little reading of fic for the Twilight Saga, and I find that I'm getting a little too involved in the central conflict of the fandom: Edward or Jacob? There's a lot of good stuff out there for both, and while I should probably pretend to beat around the bush some more, I'm just going to spit it out and say that I'm on Team Jacob. Mostly for the reason that I don't think turning Bella into a vampire would be a smart move in the books, and would be fossilizing her issues, rather than fixing them.

Actually, screw it. I'm not on Team Jacob, because that implies I'm for *Bella* at all. I don't really care if Jacob and Bella end up together- I just don't. I just want Jacob to be the little happy werewolf he should be, and watching him strike out on Bella is painful, painful stuff. I willingly admit that this opinion may well be the result of reading Eclipse before the first two books, but screw it.

I like Jacob, I'm going admit to my little fangirl self that I would totally jump his bones (in a deep, meaningful way :) and that Edward's perfect annoys me. If Bella can deal with it, likes it, is happy with it: fine. But I'm tired of the Mary-Sue of it getting all the love and happiness when she screws things up. Not that I would do any better in her situation: I would just be funnier about it. Hopefully. And while I actually really enjoy Bella as a POV character, in the third person I want to tell her to just suck it up and get it over myself.

I guess that's the point of the books- Bella is just normal enough to let you emphasize with her even in the weirdest of situations, because she's *you*- not a perfect heroine, just a high school girl with some screwed up situations in her life. It makes me more willing to forgive her foibles.

But I do so love Jacob Black.... :(

In other news, I have this song running through my head, and I am not sure I want it to stop.

Indigo Girls - Love’s Recovery Lyrics

During the time of which I speak
It was hard to turn the other cheek
To the blows of insecurity
Feeding the cancer of my intellect
The blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of it’s impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They’ve all gone and left each other
In search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery

There I am in younger days, star gazing
Painting picture perfect maps
Of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love’s perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
Left each other one by one on the road to fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery

Rain soaked and voice choked
Like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bend
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction

Oh how I wish I were a trinity
So if I lost a part of me
I’d still have two of the same to live
But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal
As specks of dust we’re universal
To let this love survive
Would be the greatest gift that we could give
Tell all the friends who think they’re so together
That these are ghosts and mirages
All these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it’s storming out I feel safe within the arms
Of love’s discovery