I have become pathetic in terms of updating. Here's why:

May 1, 2009- Friday

Early morning: My mother discovers my maternal grandmother's body in her parlor. Grammie seems to have died the previous evening. Around her on the couch are a cold cup of tea, a trashy romance novel, her knitting, and her dog curled up beside her.

8.50: I am taking my last Ancient Greek test, for which I am underprepared. I get a call halfway thru from my father, but don't pick it up, and turn my phone off. I complete the test. (I got a C.)

9.45: Five minutes before my German class, my younger brother, who lives at home and helped my mother deal with the EMT's and coroner earlier that morning, calls me to tell me Grammie died. I go to class, bluster my way through discussions of my fellow students' presentations, and wonder if I am going to throw up. At the break of the three hour class, I call my mom and ask her if there is anything I should be doing. There isn't really, but she wants me to come home.

3pm: I blow off my last class of the day, and my brother drives me home. I think that I have ludicrously overpacked for a weekend at home, but Billy tells me that while we are holding calling hours/wake for Grammie in Massachusetts, her funeral will be in California with Grammie's other daughter and grandchildren, and the cousins that have lived in California since the dawn of time.

4pm: The hours is weird and still and uncomfortable, and I am mildly freaking out because my mom is so sad. People keep calling and I just want to take the phone off the hook. The three kids don't have much to do, and end up hanging out with each other for most of the time. We run various errands and figure out what's happening after the calling hours on Sunday. I find out I'm actually going to California. A friend of my mom (also a female priest) does a prayer out of the Book of Common Prayer that I have memorized to say for when I die. It's a nice prayer, and it gets better with repetition. This is the first of four times I hear it over the next week or so.

Saturday May 2

My dad takes my brother and sister out to buy something appropriate to wear. I don't want to go, and don't. Mom and I take Grammie's dog to the vet to get it looked at before it can fly to California to live with my aunt, who originally owned the dog. The wait is long, and the dog is freaked out, and I start to cry a bit because I hate it when dogs are sad and scared.

Sunday, May 3rd
The calling hours are really well attended by people from my mom's church (she works there)- a number of them knew Grammie personally from when she would go to church. We kids set up a little table at the funeral home with photos of Grammie at various stages of life, and her family, and her knitting projects. The tone is one of sadness and relief: there is a lot of chatting and hugging and people making sure that we're okay. I feel pretty well loved, actually. Wakes are nice. We read for the second time the prayer I like.

My mother has given my grandmother a spinning wheel pin and a little toy lamb made of wool and wood to be buried in. My grandmother is not wearing lipstick, which is noticeably uncharacteristic. The embalming process had made her tissue feel oddly firm and dry and cold, but her skin feels the same if you just lay your hand lightly on it. Her hair feels exactly the same. A friend of my mother's, who nursed her own mother through long ill-health in my childhood, tells my mother "Well done, my good and faithful servant." My mom cries and feels like she did well by her mom.

Monday, May 4th,

Damned early: We fly to California with a stop over. My siblings and I sit together on the first half of the flight and goof off, but there is a slightly uncomfortable tone. My mom and dad sit together. My mom looks deeply out of it- she's just following the leader and she keeps holding my dad's hand a lot.

California is dry and bright and unpleasant, like always.

Tuesday, May 5th
I'm going to skip talking about this, tho I may go into more later. The funeral was very good- sweet and sad and heartfelt. Arrangements go as they should- my mom gives a eulogy that is distracted and heartfelt and loving. My brother, my cousin Tom, and I all read something out of the bible: all the music and passages were chosen by my grandmother and my mom several months ago, and there is a nice feeling of completion knowing that we were doing things that Grammie wanted and liked.

Wednesday, may 6th

Getting back to MA with my brother and sister gives me a good working definition of a clusterfuck. My aunt allotted us only an hour's grace period at the airport, which I think is too little, but don't say anything. The driver is half an hour late, and we miss our flight. My sister cries a little from the stress, so I manage the process of getting us transfered to another flight and getting our bags checked. The new flights are not bad, and the new seats in the exit row on each flight give us much more footroom.

When we get back to MA, my parent's car has been towed from my sister's street, and her wonderful boyfriend goes to get it while we wait in her apartment after taking a cab from the airport. We discuss how awesome her boyfriend is.

Thursday, may 7th
I go to class in a haze, and actually feel lost and sad. I'm not sure if it's sleep deprivation, the incredible pollen that burst into bloom while I was away, or actual grief. I am unprepared for classes but my teachers are all nice about it. I only throw up before my Greek class, and stay away from coffee all day to feel better. I barely keep from crying in my Latin class; we are reading the part of the Aeneid where Aeneas meets his father Anchises in the afterlife. Anchises greets his son with "venisti tandem?" "Have you finally come?" This seems to me to be incredibly sad, but I really really like it.

Friday may 8th.
My last German class. I give a completely halfassed presentation which my professor kindly refrains from picking apart. I think he's impressed that I'm even presenting at all. This is the first of my last classes.

Saturday I allow myself to recover a little.

Sunday is Mother's day. I go to church with my family, where my mom is a bit frazzled and everyone is very kind to her. I give her a book on Gandhi and Churchill's rivalry, and she is very appreciative. I feel like a mildly competent daughter.

Monday May 11th
The last Latin class. No crying.

I get the feeling that my WATCHMEN viewing experience may have been somewhat diminished by the number of people who walked out of the theater.

That just makes me sad.

I got accepted to one of the world's finest institutions for the study of religion. I did not get a free ride to that school- I will have a lot of debt.

Okay, it's now possible for me to do what I want with my life, I just have to get it all together after all.

It is very nice to sit across a table from someone while you're doubting the possibility of your life's dream coming true, and having them say, "You're going to make it happen."

Also, I am already kind of beginning to appreciate the silly numbered grid that is the Chicago street map- I can already begin to see my way around the city, and I've not even been there yet.

The University of Chicago wants me instead.

I repeat, fuck Harvard.

So, tomorrow I find out from Harvard Divinity School whether I've been accepted or not.

At every meal today, someone has told me another school that they've gotten into, and the choices that they have to make about their future. I am not at the moment inclined to be sympathetic to the poor gentleman who must decide if he wants to go to Harvard or MIT for graduate school in the sciences, though I am sure his pain must be great.

I am applying to something my mother suggested, because mostly beyond the poisoning fact that my mother suggested it, it looks like a good idea and an interesting program if I don't get into grad school.

I finally found the list of courses for Boston College School of Theology and Ministry- it's kind of removed from the main listing of stuff for that department. The stuff looks interesting enough. I just got an email that they want to meet with me for an Graduate Assistant position, which would give me a little stipend for the year, and would give me full tuition for a lot of the classes there. It would be a nice thing, but I am not really sure how viable a Masters from them would be.

This is how I deal with uncertainty- either I ignore it entirely to my detriment, or plan on failing so that if I get a good response back, it comes as a complete surprise.


In other news, I have to do a German presentation and a Greek quiz tomorrow, I did not get a stipend from the Classical Civ department to study Greek during the summer, and there is no "good time" to apply to grad school, grow up, get married, or have a kid. There just is not, you go on and just roll with the punches.

Ignoring all of the above:
I just watched Spectacular Spider-Man's 8th episode of the second season, and I was tickled pink by the dynamic between Hammerhead and Silver Sable. Though I cannot approve of her downgrade from Eastern European monarch (or something like that in the original comics) to mere mobster's daughter, and I think her reactions are heavily biased towards the Harpy-ish at the height of the fighting, the way she makes Hammerhead act is *hilarious*.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw_T_nJ8eu8&feature=related

School has begun, and it looks like the schedule which I created for myself the months ago will hold water and not overload me too much as I try to get the last drips of good out of my four years of education.

Latin 201- The Aeneid- May I just pause a moment to indulge my deep fangirlishness? ARMA VIRUMQUE CANO, MOTHERFUCKERS. This class is roughly on the subject that Latinists never stop talking about- how awesome Virgil is, and how much we love Latin. This is exactly what I needed to be incredibly geeky. I am well pleased. I need to be a bit more baddass about my translation, tho.

Greek 102- The second semester of Greek, which I miraculously passed last semester, is at the same ungodly hour four days a week, but the professor this time seems to be far more comfortable in her own skin than my last one. We are having fun, I am doing my homework, and I am enjoying myself. There are, just as a reminder, only four people in the class, and thus the pace of the teaching is rather faster than the professor is used to. This is because, in a class of FOUR, when one person slacks off, it shows. Oh, dear lord, how it shows.

German- 389- The Berlin Republic and Globalization. This is looking really, really fun. No high-faluting literature, but a fair amount of pop writing from the era after the fall of the Berliner Mauer. I know most of the people in the class, and none of the books. I really need to get working on reading it- I find I can read a sentence in German fairly easily, but I don't retain the information from it as easily as if it were in English.

Greek and Roman Religion- I am slightly disappointed by this class, but that's more to do with format than with subject matter so far. The professor has a distinct fan club, but this is my first class so I am not yet part of it. I am not sure that I will ever be part of, actually. The professor is clearly smart and competent, if unwilling to use technology, but the format of the class is more plain lecture than I usually get in my classes these days, and I am less into it than I thought I would be. Also, while the professor is indeed funny and charming, there is a practiced nature and slight arrogance to his witty asides that I find slightly personally off putting. Of course, I need not like the man to learn from him, and the topic is really, really interesting as well. This looks to be one of the more reading heavy of my classes.

Book Arts- I am terribly pleased with this class in a way that I am unable to fully explain. We're doing printmaking and some art-book binding, and I am looking forward too it just a little too much. It puts me in contact with large amounts of high quality paper on a weekly basis, and I am content. Our first assignment is a short run of printed broadsides of our own choosing and composition. I have selected something from Peter Pan, which I will add below. I am enjoying it immensely.

( Read more... )

I LIKE THIS MEME. I STOLE IT FROM alba_aulbath!

BAM.

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.

Not as easy as you might think. Remember: one word answers to the following 34 questions.


1. Where is your mobile phone?: Window
2. Your significant other?: Not.
3. Your hair?: Growing.
4. Your mother?: Cheerful.
5. Your father?: Curmudgeon.
6. Your favorite thing?: Computer.
7. Your dream last night?: Huh?.
8. Your favourite drink?: Beer.
9. Your dream/goal?: Novelist.
10. The room you're in?: Mine.
11. Your ex?: Non.
12. Your fear?: Deception.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?: Happy.
14. Where were you last night?: Home.
15. What you're not?: Serious.
16. Muffins?: Yum.
17. One of your wish list items?: Beer.
18. Where you grew up?: Town.
19. The last thing you did?: Buffy.
20. What are you wearing?: PJ's.
21. Your TV?: None.
22. Your pets?: Adopted.
23. Your computer?: Old.
24. Your life?: Decent.
25. Your mood?: Pleased.
26. Missing someone?: No.
27. Your car?: Never.
28. Something you're not wearing?: Socks.
29. Favourite Store?: Book.
30. Your summer?: Work'.
31. Like someone?: Maybe'.
32. Your favourite colour?: Purple.
33. When is the last time you laughed?: Today.
34. Last time you cried?: Today.

And a Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Kwanza, and Happy Hanukka to them as celebrate it!

The state of the Bean:
- Against all my predictions of what my mother would enjoy in literature, she has discovered my stash of The Song of Ice and Firenovels by George R R Martin, and has decided that they are the best things ever. Bravo on another convert there, Mr. Martin. Expect another howling reader for Dance of Dragons once she gets through A Feast for Crows.

The reason I thought she wouldn't like them was the intense levels of intrigue and plot twists. I had trouble keeping up with all the plot, though that hardly stopped me from getting into all the characters involved. (And, oh, aren't there a lot of them....) But she's entranced. Which means another set of books that I have to suddenly share amongst my mother, and inevitably her mother, which means I won't ever be able to find them again. I would attempt to sequester them, but that would contradict the household (and admittedly personal) law that Books Are To Be Shared.

-The household has succumbed to my taste in alcohol! There is both beer AND peppermint schnapps in my home! I am pleased and happy with this turn of events.

-My "Must Read" list grows without ceasing. Not only do I have to reread Watchmen, probably several times to marinate in the awesome before the movie ruins/changes it, but a number of books that I nominally own, but have never gotten around to reading have been touted to me as wonderful by the Boy. (One being Freddy Neptune, a Novel in Verse by Les Murray.) I haven't even begun to approach Neal Stephenson's newest Anathem yet, and I found a battered copy of The Reluctant Widow, one of the few Georgette Heyer romances that I've not gotten my hands on. I'm waiting for Connie Schultz's autobiographical ...And His Lovely Wife to come into the public library, and as soon as I get there I no doubt will have a whole 'nother pile to add to the list. Meg Cabot is likely to feature broadly in that category. I'm still in the middle of Claudius the God, and it makes me want to actually take up my goal of reading Josephus' Antiquities of the Jews and Wars of the Jews, since they keep popping up tangentially in all the research I'm doing for my religion and classics courses.

This of course neglects most of the reading in the realm of comics that I've had to forgo while I was in class.

-Everytime I see this icon I want Spectacular Spider-Man to magically reappear with new episodes.... or for Hammerhead to stop sucking. I'm mildly amused by his "Brand New Day" origin and reboot, but I still like the smart and smarmy version from the cartoon the best. John DiMaggio makes him sounds far more threatening than the series makes him out to be, and it just works better than having him forever running into walls and shouting curses at Spider-Man.

-Got my hands on Elllis' Global Frequency. ZOUNDS. Excellent.

-Tonight I shall make lasagna and praise the birth of my savior. There will be wrapping of presents. There will be cannoli. (My spell-checker does not think cannoli is a word. I consider this short-sighted on his part.)

-My perennial goal of luring my grandmother's dog into being MY dog begins to bear fruit. I am the bearer of walkies! Look upon my leash, ye mighty, and despair. (I have not gone so far as to permit her onto the humans-only couch, but desperate times may yet force my hand.)

I'm done.
Well, not entirely. Not till I actually get my German paper checked over and hand it in, but.... barring that. I'm done. My second to last semester in college has come to an end. Weird.

In other news, it is now snowing in that peculiar way where distant snow appears to be moving towards the left and nears snow towards the right. I have a great view of this overhang on the roof that gathers about a quart of snow and then lets it all just stream off. It's a great view.

I love that I am inside.

On the eve of an apparently oncoming massive snowstorm, here is the current shape of my existence.

1. I have printed out (on college-purchased paper, with college-purchased ink) the entirety of thehefner's draft of his Harvey Dent novel. He asked me to look it over. (I feel rather spiffed about this. Who says chatting to random sassy internet people leads nowhere good?) It sits on my desk at home, glaring at me to read it and write on it in red pencil my running thoughts.

2. I have finished my Latin class! Which makes me sad, honestly, because this is the last time I will ever be able to take a Latin class with Prof. Starr. He is delightful, smart, and funny. The test was not bad, I think.

3. I need to write my German paper on comparing Novalis' "Christendom or Europe" to Lessing's Nathan the Wise. It should be cool. But since it's in German, I am putting my trust in my own little laptop to chug its way through one more demanding finals seasons rather than typing the essay on another computer. The German keyboard I bought for myself really, really helps on this. I need ümläütß, and I shall have them!

4. My Greek test will be tomorrow morning, which is the last chance to take the test before the giant snow storm comes in. I am slightly worried, because while I know essentially exactly what will be on it, I have not done the memorizing for this that I should. I fear the repercussions. Fortunately, I am taking the class pass/fail on top of my normal course load, so failing it will not hurt my GPA and I will not be short a class for graduation. Mostly it's my own pride, I think? But I would like to take the Greek and do well in it for future reasons, though it will probably not hurt me too much to fail it. I mean, if I do fail it, I still might be able to talk my way into the next level of the course or take an exam to qualify into it. I'd have to see.

5. My eyeballs feel like someone has scrubbed them with salt. Ouch!