kitewithfish (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kitewithfish) wrote2008-09-14 04:19 pm
kitewithfish) wrote2008-09-14 04:19 pm
A meditation of the type of male who comes to Swelles parties.
Scene: Night on a grassy field where speakers have been set up next to the main party venue. There are perhaps five hundred people there, most of them women.
Beanie: *chatters with friends*
Chubby guy: *grabs my hand while I'm not looking* *Drags me away* Hi, I kind of grabbed you there.
Friends: *look disturbed but remain nearby*
Beanie: *notices hand-grabber is not a girl she knows* *is perturbed* Yeah you did.
Chubby: *perpetrates curiously unarousing move from Dirty Dancing*
Beanie: *attempts to make conversation* So. You got a name?
Chubby: I'm Totally Forgettable Boy's Name. I'm from Suspiciously Far Away University. *grinding continues*
DJ: *unironically changes song to "My Humps"*
Crowd: *responds appropriately*
Beanie: *contemplates violence against DJ*
Chubby: *grabs Beanie's arms, rotates her 180 degrees* *grabs hips from behind*
Chubby: *grinds* *happy* Let's feel that hump!
Beanie: *just as overjoyed* Let's not!
Beanie: *leaves*
The thing is, I KNOW. For a FACT. That some of these sketchy guys actually get laid using these methods.
This is the reason that I am generally completely committed to never dating any man who frequents Swelles parties. He will have come with the intention of having bad anonymous sex in a broom closet. And, chances are, he will probably have done so with some success. Because that's Swelles.
On another note, I do not blame my friends for not leaping to my aid in this situation. I am routinely recognized as the go-to girl for running off the sketchy boys. And as you can see, my tolerance for bullshit is low.
MEMO: Dancing is not grinding. Grinding is not dancing. Learn some contra, sketchy boys. It will do much to alleviate your unfortunate inability to not rub your crotch on strangers.
Related note: I call this boy chubby. That and the stubble is actually the only thing I recall about him. I don't count it particularly as a strike against him, as that would be hypocrisy. It's mostly just a convenient appellation.
Beanie: *chatters with friends*
Chubby guy: *grabs my hand while I'm not looking* *Drags me away* Hi, I kind of grabbed you there.
Friends: *look disturbed but remain nearby*
Beanie: *notices hand-grabber is not a girl she knows* *is perturbed* Yeah you did.
Chubby: *perpetrates curiously unarousing move from Dirty Dancing*
Beanie: *attempts to make conversation* So. You got a name?
Chubby: I'm Totally Forgettable Boy's Name. I'm from Suspiciously Far Away University. *grinding continues*
DJ: *unironically changes song to "My Humps"*
Crowd: *responds appropriately*
Beanie: *contemplates violence against DJ*
Chubby: *grabs Beanie's arms, rotates her 180 degrees* *grabs hips from behind*
Chubby: *grinds* *happy* Let's feel that hump!
Beanie: *just as overjoyed* Let's not!
Beanie: *leaves*
The thing is, I KNOW. For a FACT. That some of these sketchy guys actually get laid using these methods.
This is the reason that I am generally completely committed to never dating any man who frequents Swelles parties. He will have come with the intention of having bad anonymous sex in a broom closet. And, chances are, he will probably have done so with some success. Because that's Swelles.
On another note, I do not blame my friends for not leaping to my aid in this situation. I am routinely recognized as the go-to girl for running off the sketchy boys. And as you can see, my tolerance for bullshit is low.
MEMO: Dancing is not grinding. Grinding is not dancing. Learn some contra, sketchy boys. It will do much to alleviate your unfortunate inability to not rub your crotch on strangers.
Related note: I call this boy chubby. That and the stubble is actually the only thing I recall about him. I don't count it particularly as a strike against him, as that would be hypocrisy. It's mostly just a convenient appellation.
no subject
...is really all I can say. I mean sheesh.
no subject
also, an abrupt punch to the groinal region works REAL well when dealing with sketchy boys.