In the Aftermath

[kitewithfish]

So, in the wake of yesterday's confusion of noncommunication and remorse, I'm feeling better and slightly more able to handle things. (For those of you following outside the friends-locked zone, a very close friend of mine told me that she'd been avoiding my emails for the last few months hoping that I'd get the hint that she did not want to talk to me. She severed all ties last night, and will be deleting all emails from me in the future without reading them. There was no explanation for this, and no clear point of origin for her actions. )

At this point, I would like to make the following announcements.

1. Much love to figureinthefog, spookiepookie, littlecatfeet, Emma-friend, J-Mo and 'Cedes bearing with me and emotional support in the wake of this whole mess.

2. As several of you guys are mutual friends of me and the person on the other side of this, I understand that this will be an incredible awkward position for you guys to be in for a while, and I will try as best as I can to keep you out of it as completely as possible. I do not want this to become a divisive point for our little cabal of friends, and if you feel like you're being pushed around by this, please tell me and I will try to work something out so that there's less pressure on you about it.

If I seem like I'm 'chatting you up' more than usual, it's not an attempt at politicking so much as a panicked response that falling out of touch with someone could mean that I come back to Swelles and find that we're estranged. I think I'm going to be a little freaked out for a while about this whole thing.

3. I do not like to walk away from relationships, and I do not throw people away. If you have a problem with me, please tell me. Don't sit on it and let it fester. Even if it's painful and sucky for you to have to discuss it, please please please don't just sit on it. Because I'm kind of oblivious to clear social cues at times and really might just not get the hint without you making it explicit. I would rather have an argument and feel like an asshole for something I did to offend you unknowingly than have you angry at me without any way to fix things.

Comments

[littlecatfeet.livejournal.com]

I said it before, but I am so sorry. Nobody, least of all a fun, quirky, caring and interesting person like yourself, deserves to have that happen to them. Whatever she's going through, whatever she thinks you did, it's a shitty way to deal with friends.

Be well.

[blarney.livejournal.com]

Hey man, for the record--this same thing happened to me the first month or so of my senior year at swelles. Except, it was a whole group of friends instead of just one, and they posted on their livejournals instead of telling me personally. Totally nuts.

Two things may help--first of all, the end of any relationship is hard. In our culture, we tend to idolize romantic relationships, so breaking up with an SO is often accompanied by people coddling us and sympathizing. Try to think of this friend breaking up with you as similar to a break up with an SO, just so you can allow yourself to feel sad about it an stuff.

Secondly, in retrospect, I was living a very emotionally unhealthy lifestyle when I was best friends with those women, and no longer spending time with them left me with a significantly less toxic environment in which to live. Though I still miss the friendships I had with almost all of them (and am still like, WTF mate? at their essentially breaking up with me over livejournal), I can recognize that they were big on the hate, and releasing that hate allowed my senior year at Wellesley to be much, much more fun that it would have been.

So I'm just saying--perhaps in time, though the sting will still be there, you'll be able to understand that this end is a good thing, especially if the person in question thinks it's appropriate to break up with people over firstclass (seriously, wtf).

[no-girl.livejournal.com]

I´m sorry I´m on the other side of the world (mas o menos...) and can´t offer anything more than my profound sympathies for having such a shitty thing happen to you. Sometimes it´s even WORSE when it´s a friend ¨break up¨, because friends are supposed to be there for ya no matter what and not play those kind of infantile mind games. Much love from Oaxaca, chica! And don´t worry, you´ll get over it, you´re tough!

<3

M