kitewithfish (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kitewithfish) wrote2008-07-11 11:06 pm
kitewithfish) wrote2008-07-11 11:06 pm
Entry tags:
Day 17: Rather Late and Rather Silly: Literalism in the Classroom
day 17
“What do you mean I cannot pass?”
“You cannot pass. There is just no getting around it, your grades are completely in the toilet. There is not a thing on earth you can do to save your grade at this late stage in the game. You quite simply cannot pass this class.”
“But that’s impossible. I got a B+ on the last in class quiz!”
“Those don’t count for anything towards your final grade. The only grades that count towards the final are the homework grades.”
“That is the exact opposite of what you said on the first day of class.”
“If you recall, this year the first day of this class fell on Opposite Day.”
“What? That was Opposite Day? Since when can you observe religious holidays in school?”
“This is not a public high school, this is a private university, and the dean of academic relations recognizes my right to practice my religion in the manner of my choosing as an Orthodox Literalist.”
“Well, yes, of course. I just mean, don’t you still have to declare that sort of thing beforehand?”
“I declared it oppositely by not declaring it.”*
“That’s insane.”
“Well! I have to say that I find your attitude towards my faith to be very offensive.”
“What? Look, I have nothing against your religion, but you can’t fail me just because I didn’t understand the practices of a religion that I don’t belong to! That infringes on my religious freedom.”
“And to just what religion do you belong?
“That’s just my point- it shouldn’t matter! I went into class expecting that I would be able to learn, and because I’m not a follower of Literalism, I didn’t know that I should feed everything you said through a reverse polarity filter. The facts of the issue were only clear to the Literalist members of the class!”
“If you’ll recall, the syllabus did say that students should check the dates on syllabus very carefully, because some of the class times had to be moved for religious holidays. You could have just checked the calendar.”
“My calendar does not have the Literalist religious holidays marked on it- it has the cycles of the moon! and the high tides! But you notice that I don’t tell people that I’m a sailor and then expect them to know that I will not be in classes on days where outgoing tide coincides with their lectures- I would still have to tell them for them to know!”
“Look, I am sorry for the miscommunication, I tried to be as clear on the subject as I could be within the confines of my religion, but I cannot change the fact that your grade is too low for you to pull it up. Even if you aced every homework, quiz and the final, your final grade would still only be in the forties. There is nothing I can do.”
“Fine. Fine! Then what am I supposed to do about this?”
“I would strongly suggest that you drop the class, and talk to any other professors who had their first day of class on that date and see if any of them were issuing instructions in compliance with Opposite Day restrictions.”
*As stolen from Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes Rules for Calvinball, as collected from historical documents (AKA comic strips) here: http://www.simplych.com/cb_rules.htm. See Rule 1.5
“What do you mean I cannot pass?”
“You cannot pass. There is just no getting around it, your grades are completely in the toilet. There is not a thing on earth you can do to save your grade at this late stage in the game. You quite simply cannot pass this class.”
“But that’s impossible. I got a B+ on the last in class quiz!”
“Those don’t count for anything towards your final grade. The only grades that count towards the final are the homework grades.”
“That is the exact opposite of what you said on the first day of class.”
“If you recall, this year the first day of this class fell on Opposite Day.”
“What? That was Opposite Day? Since when can you observe religious holidays in school?”
“This is not a public high school, this is a private university, and the dean of academic relations recognizes my right to practice my religion in the manner of my choosing as an Orthodox Literalist.”
“Well, yes, of course. I just mean, don’t you still have to declare that sort of thing beforehand?”
“I declared it oppositely by not declaring it.”*
“That’s insane.”
“Well! I have to say that I find your attitude towards my faith to be very offensive.”
“What? Look, I have nothing against your religion, but you can’t fail me just because I didn’t understand the practices of a religion that I don’t belong to! That infringes on my religious freedom.”
“And to just what religion do you belong?
“That’s just my point- it shouldn’t matter! I went into class expecting that I would be able to learn, and because I’m not a follower of Literalism, I didn’t know that I should feed everything you said through a reverse polarity filter. The facts of the issue were only clear to the Literalist members of the class!”
“If you’ll recall, the syllabus did say that students should check the dates on syllabus very carefully, because some of the class times had to be moved for religious holidays. You could have just checked the calendar.”
“My calendar does not have the Literalist religious holidays marked on it- it has the cycles of the moon! and the high tides! But you notice that I don’t tell people that I’m a sailor and then expect them to know that I will not be in classes on days where outgoing tide coincides with their lectures- I would still have to tell them for them to know!”
“Look, I am sorry for the miscommunication, I tried to be as clear on the subject as I could be within the confines of my religion, but I cannot change the fact that your grade is too low for you to pull it up. Even if you aced every homework, quiz and the final, your final grade would still only be in the forties. There is nothing I can do.”
“Fine. Fine! Then what am I supposed to do about this?”
“I would strongly suggest that you drop the class, and talk to any other professors who had their first day of class on that date and see if any of them were issuing instructions in compliance with Opposite Day restrictions.”
*As stolen from Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes Rules for Calvinball, as collected from historical documents (AKA comic strips) here: http://www.simplych.com/cb_rules.htm. See Rule 1.5