I may have found my theme song for the upcoming year.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me

If all goes according to plan, this year I will be

-writing my masters thesis
-defending it.
-finishing my graduate degree.
-moving into another home in the same city.
-marrying my Gentleman.
and, nonchronologically,
-getting a job.

For all but that last one, I've got a pretty solid plan.

It seems like it's going to be a lot to do. But there's something inspiring about the sheer bald boldness of a single singer who calls himself "The Mountain Goats" that's kind of inspiring.

Let's be honest. I have no idea what I'm doing, and neither does anyone else have any idea what they are doing, if they're doing anything interesting or brave. The easy stuff we don't think about too much, the hard stuff tends to loom large until we get past it and look back. I'll figure it out.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

So I lied

I wrote that last post with all the hopes of reassuring myself that I am cool and nonchalant and totally okay with not being in control of things, because when you are okay with not being in control that is just like being in control.

Facts are facts- I'm not quite panicking. Quite.

But there are some lovely things that sustain me, and that's a good feeling. Permit me to share a few.


My Gentleman has a job that he loves and it pays well and gives him health insurance, and when we get hitched it will give me health insurance.

We live in a safe and comfy apartment and have all our needs for food and shelter well met.

My bad tendon in my foot is getting slowly better as I work on it, and it feels less hurty all the time.

I have gotten a haircut short enough that the back of my neck is no longer a mullet.

My family is all in good health and employed in jobs that they like and they're doing okay.

Cooking is both necessary and relaxing, so doing it doesn't really count as procrastinating. I have learned a new way to cut up an onion that is much much faster, so I cry less on the whole doing that.

I will be moving out of this apartment in the summer, rather than the freezing winter, and I will be able to see the new place and make judgements on its kitchen.